momma skinny jeans

We've Moved...

2010-11-30T15:33:00.000-08:00

HI!

I know you haven't heard from me in a while and now here I am to tell you my blog is moving. =-(

If you have enjoyed my blog please add this to your reading list...

www.chelseeandbilly.blogspot.com

Hope to find you are still following me there! ♥

hanging in there...

2010-10-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

Well.

Life happens. We get sick we get busy and our toes get horribly infected. shit happens. I believe it is all how you want to react to it.

Billy and I did not work out the last 4 days! I know and we were doing so well.

My toe is aweful. I can hardly walk on it. Let alone work out every night.And Billy doesn't want to do it on his own so.... we are dealing. I want to just bite the bullet and do what I can (I could at least do abs..)...he wants me to wait...and my toe is so bad I kind of want to wait until it heals as well. I just started my antibiotics so I will give it one more day and then Billy and I will hit it hard again.

It is weird too because Billy right now is totally in a place right now that I have definetly been. He is upset at himself because he started out strong...he wanted to accomplish something and help me and now I am a gimp which is throwing a wrench in our plans so he is getting discouraged and wants to just stop completey and restart again when my toe is better. Basically he wants to give up and start over at another time. Oh man I have been there so many times. so so so many times. The thing about weight loss and living healthy is that you can't just give up the first time something goes wrong or you will never get to the end. We can still pick up where we left off. We can still succeed.

But I know how he feels.

so for now all I can really say is we are hanging in there. Here is our 10 day weight/measurements update. no pics for now sorry!

Billy---before is blue and current is purple---

Weight: 210lbs 213

Measurements:

Chest- 43.5 43

Waist- 40 39

Hips-39 39

Thighs- 26 24

Arms-13 12.5

Me =-)---before is blue and current is purple---

Weight: 189lbs 187lbs

Measurements:

Chest- 40 40

Waist- 35 35

Hips-42 40

Thighs- 24 24

Arms-12 11

Well until next time,

Soaking it all in...

2010-10-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

I am doing so good. Wait. WE ARE DOING SO GOOD!

It is day 7 of Billy and I doing the Shred and I am at 5 out of 7! I was sick and attempted (and failed) to do it. And Billy sat out one of the days I couldn't do it but holy cow! I have never been so committed! I love working out with my husband. I think I would be a skinny mini if I had started out this way in January. ♥

People at work keep telling me how great I look and I cheated and peeked at the scale this morning and it says 186lbs down from 189lbs! If that is true that is 3lbs this week! I hope It isn't just water weight moving around lol. We will see on Monday the 11th, which is our official next weigh in and pic post before we move onto Level 2 of the Shred! Another proud moment for me is my perseverance! I don't know why this embarrasses me so bad but it does so please just bare with me...

I had two ingrown toe nails and I finally had them taken care of yesterday and I still did the Shred and will STILL DO the shred all weekend. I looked up some alternate work outs for the ones I can't do because of the bad toes and I am so excited at my will to keep on truckin! I can't wait to see the results at the end of this 30 days.

Today I meant to do a good long blog but I have speant most of my lunch break catching up on some of my fave blogs. Being sick has really put me behind this week! =0)

So until later this weekend....

Keep on keepin on! You still have 12 weeks to make that FINAL push for your goals you made at the beginning of the year!

What will you do today to put you that much closer?

Much Love,

October Shred Day #2

2010-10-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well I am happy to say that I have never been happier for this entire journey! Here I am on my 10th month of working on myself and I finally found what makes me happy and energized. My husband is doing it with me.

Gosh I love love love him!So right now we are working on being more active over all and we are also doing the 30 day shred (yes again...) but we are determined to get through it for 30 consecutive days.I believe we can do it together. He wants to do it in the evenings which is hard for me because I tend to procrastinate it when I save it until the end of the day. However I believe that having us hold each other accountable to get it done will help. And Oliver is not an excuse! The last two days we did it when he was awake and he just smiled and laughed at us. Also working out with Billy is fun! He energizes me and causes me to push myself harder. And he makes me laugh and feel playful. I am just loving this. I really hope it lasts. He really wants to lose some of the weight he has gained since we got married so I hope it sticks. man...did I mention I love love love him?

So tonights entry is really a place for our 'Before' pics and measurements. I am so glad he let me take his too!

Weight: 210lbs

Measurements:

Chest- 43.5

Waist- 40

Hips-39

Thighs- 26

Arms-13

10/01/2010

9/13/2010

So even though I am still not happy with the way I look. I think that I have improved a bit...the 2nd set are September at the begining of my first Shred Challenge... my muffin top looks slightly less muffin-ish. (just slightly...) Also here is a comparison of my weight measurements...

NOW

Weight: 189lbs

Measurements:

Chest- 40

Waist- 35

Hips-42

Thighs- 24

Arms-12

9/13/2010

Weight:

190lbs[

Measurements:

Chest: 39

Waist: 35

Hip: 42

Thigh: 27

Arm: 12

So there we have it! Until next time! Look for some seriously exciting posts coming soon!

Much Love,

I ♥ Billy

2010-10-01T16:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for my short absence. I have been going through a lot lately! =-(

Never fear I am back though. I am happy and content and ready to just lose this weight already! And the best part of all is that...so is my husband! I have been wanting his support and help with this journey since day 1 and he is finally ready to help me and get into shape himself! He is actually going to do the 30 day shred with me! I can't wait! We start tomorrow. And we are going to do it every day. No interruptions. Also he has made a change in his life and realizes that he wants to live a more active life style which I soooo appreciate because I do too and it has been a fight to get him to do things like go for a walk or play a game or go to the park or learn a new crazy dance lol.

So the Shred! We are doing it! Every morning for the rest of October! Beginning tomorrow. Why is it so hard to do something every day? Something always comes up and distracts me or lets me believe I can't do it but really I can. I just get to make the time and now I have my wonderful husband to hold me accountable. I can't wait until tomorrow morning. He makes me laugh and pushes me to be better so I know we will have fun while doing it.

So that is it for now. I felt like I was going crazy the last couple weeks. My emotions are a total roller coaster since I had my son. And the reality is that every once in a while I just get depressed and unmotivated. And that lasts a little bit and then it is like I wake up and I am myself again. I know I really need to sort that out. My friends and husband just believe that I get to work more on the 'loving myself' part of my journey. I just am not sure how to do that. I know that following through with my commitments and goals even when I am feeling all 'doom and gloom' is a huge part of it.

Working out and eating right makes me feel good. The effort that goes into it is the hard part. So until next time...I am still striving for my goals. I won't stop until they are reached.

Thank you for being here with me for the journey!

Much Love,

Making Healthy Choices...

2010-09-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Jillian Michaels,

Do not worry my dear, I am still at it. I am on Level 3 of your 30 day shred and it SUCKS. My abs hurt...muscles I didn't even know that I had hurt. And I am not gonna lie. I have not finished the complete 20 minutes. I will though. Tomorrow I go all the way. All in!

Thank you for a quick 20 minutes of hell to wake me up in the morning!

Love ya girl...

Momma

LOL. If only she knew that I turn the sound off because her harping drives me crazy and I can't stand that yucky techno work out music...eeek. I realized this morning I didn't post my pic for the Drop Dead Gorgeous by December challenge yesterday as I usually do! Don't laugh at me I have been messing with this pic for too long and I can't get it to flip around! So turn your head sideways for me please...

(sheepish smile...)

Thank you!
Well do your best today and I will make sure that I do my best. I have many things that I am working on but fingers crossed I will get some progress pics out tonight and be able to take my measurements!

Have a great day!

much love,

Monday Madness

2010-09-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

I feel...crazy today. I know I have accomplished a lot, and still I have a ton to get done. What I am mad about is my progress! Week 1 of my 16 week journey was a half-flop. I ate well, kept my calories down. I didn't even have a pumpkin treat. (but I baked pumpkin muffins today so I will be having one today.) The flop part is this... I didn't work out one time. I have a...well a ratard toe at the moment....and am ashamed to say that it totally kept me from doing anything. luckily my toe is feeling much better today so I plan on going for a good walk with my husband and doing the shred. Today is the last day of level 2. Which sucks because I missed about 5 days of it.

Oh well.I am not going to hate myself. I am just going to keep moving forward. Keep eating well...and working out and striving for 3lbs this week. I know I can do it.

I have figured out that drinking water is key to my eating well. When I stay hydrated I find that I don't want to snack as much. Also my hands swell in the hot weather and drinking a ton of water helps to keep the swelling down a little bit. =-)

How much water have you drank today?

Tips and Tidbits/I Can I Will

2010-09-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

So I am still committed. I will be drop dead gorgeous by December 31st 2010. In fact I am not sure I have ever been more committed. I was looking through some old posts for some tips! (PS no idea why the pic quality sucks so bad!) I wanted to reaffirm though... I CAN I WILL DO THIS IN 16 WEEKS!

I got a ton of good info when I first started figuring out what was right for me in the beginning of my weight loss journey and not many poeple were following me at that time so I wanted to repost them. I definetly needed the refresher!

1.Take the dieting out of your 'diet'- get rid of simple sugars when you can, cutting out one 12oz pop a day will help you to lose up to 15lbs a year. get rid of eccess salt, saturated fats, syrups, trans fats, white flour. All this can be accomplished by reading the labels of the food you are eating. Don't go all food Nazi on yourself either or you are bound to relapse. From everything I have read it seems there are no foods that are BAD BAD BAD, you just need to practice the rule of moderation and be conscious of your food choices.
2.Trick yourself- Use a smaller plate Doctor Oz reccomended 9" on his show, this will help you to keep your portions smaller. They say that if you eat 'red spices' for breakfast it will actually make you less hungry later in the day. Brush your teeth after each meal, food never sounds as good with toothpaste breath!
3.Slow Down- Eat more slowly. Sometimes we eat so fast that we end up filling ourselves more than we need to. Eat 1/2 of what is on your plate and then wait 10 minutes and evaluate how much food you really NEED.
4.Keep Busy-I eat out of boredom a lot of the time, I have found when I am busy and I keep the TV off I eat a lot less.
5.Drown Yourself- I read that sometimes when you think you are hungry, really you are just dehydrated. Drink as much water as you can and you will notice your snack cravings become less. It is recommended that you drink half of your body weight in ounces. for me that is 80oz.
6.Stay Away From Fast Food- It has been proven time and time again that it just isn't that good for you. I hope to be giving this up...almost entirely until the end of this year. It's just 16 weeks how bad can it be?

7.Oh Man the Omega's!- I read on Chris Pirillo's website that Omega 3 and Omega 6 supplements help you to curb your hunger if taken 20 minutes before a meal. (allowing you to eat less, not to starve yourself)

8.Go Public- I heard this tip on every talk show doing specials on weightloss, and on every website I went to yesterday. One important detail is to NOT SAY YOU ARE ON A DIET...we all know how those turn out. Don't set yourself up for failure. Simply let people know that you are working on a healthier life. Let them know of your goal and ask for their support. I will admit that sometimes those closest to us are the biggest sabotagers of our success though. I mentioned that I had a healthy lunch and breakfast yesterday and then Billy came home and we had hamburgers w/ pork and beans. I get to be strong with my husband and really let him know about the changes I am attempting to make in my life. Usually when I stand my ground I end up being a good influence on him....
9.Weight Game- the experts say that you should weigh yourself at the same time everytime your do it so that your numbers will be consistant. Also I do not recommend weighing yourself daily, for me it becomes more discouraging because it seems like no progress is being made.

10.Goals- We all have a goal in mind when we decide to eat healthier and become more active. Break it up into smaller goals. Each time you meet a goal amp it up a bit! What you want wants you more than you want it!

One thing that really enlightened me though was a quote from Chris Pirillo's website.
"If you don't like the way that YOU are then YOU are going to have to do something about it."

Weigh in/ Setting new goals...

2010-09-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

So I weigh 190lbs (from 186lbs about 11 days ago). It is a little aggravating. I don't know if it is because I have been putting on lots of muscle or what with doing the shred... because look at my measurements...by the way I had to have done something wrong last week my thigh was totally NOT 40 it couldn't have been because it is 27 now and somehow my chest has grown as well... maybe I am not taking measurements right. who knows.

about...11 days ago...

Chest: 36

Waist: 35

Hip: 42

Thigh: 40

Arm: 13

now...

9/13/2010

Weight:

190lbs

BMI:

28.89- overweight

Measurements:

Chest: 39

Waist: 35

Hip: 42

Thigh: 27

Arm: 12

So I am frustrated. Jillian Michael's is kicking my ass...my self esteem is like a roller coaster I feel good and then bad and then good and then bad...and I am slowly realizing how much I have screwed myself. When I started this journey I was all about moderation. I didn't want to go all in. Eating perfectly working out EVERY damn day...that was too much for me so I did the bare minimum and I screwed myself. I thought I could find balance in eating 'ok' part of the time and still treating myself sometimes and working out the bare bare minimum. But that really hasn't gotten me too far. I am mad at myself. I have had 9 months to do this and look at me! I weigh 190 which means to get to around 145 I still have 45lbs to go. It makes me want to cry.

ahhhh....But I am not going to. Because luckily for me this was never really about the '#' on the scale at the end of things. No for me this has always been about liking what I see when I look in the mirror regardless of what the scale says. I am still going to strive for that number as a way of getting results. Here are my new and improved goals.

Goals from now until December 31st, 2010

I have 16 weeks to love what I see when I look in the mirror.

I have figured to do that I need to lose about 45lbs.

That means I get to lose about 3lbs a week or about 12lbs a month.

I am not even sure if those kinds of numbers are possible. But I have to shoot for something. Now I need to make some goals to achieve those numbers! I am already doing the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred but now I need to step it up. I let myself indulge WAAAAY too much. I need to be vigilant. Extra vigilant as the holidays are upon us. I am going to keep to a strict 1300 calorie intake with one delicious pumpkin food each weekend. (I am only human!) So here is how I hope to achieve this...

1 hr or more of working out every day-yes even weekends. (30min in the morning...30min in the evening.)

1300 calories a day- 1 day a week I am allowed an extra special pumpkin treat (because well pumpkin flavored goodness is the 3rd love of my life.--it goes Billy-Ollie-Pumpkiny Goodness)

Drink at least 80oz of water a day. (I have heard that it is supposed to be half of your weight in oz so that is where that number came from)

I found these pics of fun, radiant, energetic moms...so ultimately this is my goal. I want to be able to do this ALL the time! ♥

So I know this has been a long post. But I just wanted you to know that I am not going to let myself or you down. I want to prove to myself that I can say I am going to do something and then do it. I want to open up that stupid box of skinny jeans. I want to RUN a 5k or maybe a 10k...I want to take my boy on long bike rides and play in the park. I want to show him there is more to life than eating and watching television. So stay tuned in. Keep encouraging me like you have been it really does mean the world. Also your feedback is ALWAYS appreciated on what I can do better or more of.

Much love...

The Versatile Blogger Award- me really?♥?♥

2010-09-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

I feel so special. Molly over at fluffy girl gave me an award! It is....The Versatile Blogger Award! I have seen it on some of the blogs that I read and it makes me feel so happy inside that now I have it too!

Now the award has some "to do's" attached...
1. Thank the person that gave you the award.

      Molly- I am so excited that you decided to give one to me! I receive tons of encouragement from you and you are just an amazing girl so it means a lot that you thought of me!

2. Share 7 things about yourself

     1.I am the mother of the cutest little man around--- Oliver♥ (10 months)
     2.I have never stuck with anything as long as I have stuck with this blog and I am loving it!
     3.My favorite colors are purple and green.
     4.I love the show Pushing Daisies...I want Chuck's wardrobe!!!
     5.Something I used to like to do in my spare time was make my own purses...I need to get back to that!
     6.My two favorite movies are Say Anything and Wayne's World
     7.I love music of all kinds but my all time favorite song is 'The Joker' by Steve Miller Band

3.Nominate 15 other new blogs for the award.

I am having trouble with this one. I will do a post a little later about my nominees. I am not sure that I read enough blogs...so I need some time.

Anyways I feel special! Stay tuned for Weigh In and Measurements...dun dun dun!

Much Love,

I am HaPpY hEaLtHy and RaDiAnT

2010-09-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

I am Happy Healthy and Radiant....

and I will absolutely be Drop Dead Gorgeous by December (http://www.halfofjess.com/). I have just been...busy and preoccupied the past few days so I apologize for my absence! How about some updates?

I love that word radiant! that is what I picture when this journey comes to a close in Decemeber...well not a close but slows down a bit as I bask in my accomplishment. Radiance. Just a bright happy faced HEALTHIER me in a new cute outfit running around chasing my cute boy with out being completely worn out. yes...radiant. ♥

Starting Weight:

184lbs-- 186lbs

(I actually gained two lbs! But I am doing the 30 day shred and I am told you may gain a bit at first....I hope that is all it is!)
Goals from now until December:

1.Lose 39lbs

2.Become a more active, healthier, more vibrant person.

3.♥Love what I see when I look in the mirror♥

4.Open my box of skinny clothes

5.I will not be doing the 5k. However I do want to start incorporating more cardio in my work outs so that I can one day get to that point.
One brag from this week:

I am on day 8 of the 30 day shred. I did miss one day but I made up for it with two work outs the next day! woo hoo for consistency! ♥
One thing to improve upon for next week:

Get outside! It is getting cooler here in Vegas. So no more excuses. I finally get to become the bad mother runner I want to be. Or at least let myself see if I like running.

Well there you have it! I am doing well keeping up with all of my challenges! I am proud of myself. I have been waking up early. I only missed one day of the shred but I made up for it. I need to find out if that kicks me out of the challenge though! eeek!

Well. My eyes are wanting to shut I need to pack it up and go home to my boys. I plan on doing some blogging tonight though. I want to really get focused tonight and create a plan around all these wonderful 'By December' goals. I know what I want now I get to go get it! woot woot!

Much love,

Weight & Measurements

2010-09-02T06:12:00.000-07:00

Here it is folks. Here is what we are working with.

Scary I know.

But it is important for me to gather before photos so that I can compare them to my ♥'after'♥ photos later on.

Weight-

186lbs

Measurements-

Chest: 36

Waist: 35

Hip: 42

Thigh: 40

Arm: 13

Photos-

Front: (I look sad because my husband was impatient and wouldn't let me retake it with a smiling face)

Side:

Back: (eeek)

So there you have it! I have a ton of work ahead of me. But look how far I have come...

Can't wait for more results!

Until next time!

Much love,

Shred Challenge Day 1....

2010-09-01T11:58:00.000-07:00

So. Today is Day 1 of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred Challenge from one of my new favorite bloggers- Syl at http://www.livesmilerun.com/.

The challenge is simple...Complete the video- 20 minutes a day for 20 days. 10 days on level 1, 10 days on level 2, and 10 days on level 3. Track your progress along the way, weigh yourself, take a picture and take your measurements every 10 days.

(A bonus is that by entering the challenge and completing it I get my name in a drawing to win a prize and get my blog mentioned on Syl's website, a blogger that I admire immensly so of course I want to win!)

I have been 'trying' to do this video for 30 consecutive days forever now and I am so determined to do it this time! I am very very excited about this! =)

Not only that I am excited about the oppurtunity I have given myself. I set a goal at the beginning of this year to lose 70+lbs by the end of this year. I have lost about 36lbs...so now is the hard part. My life style hasn't completely changed yet. I get to really live what I have been reading about the last 8 months. I get to really make the shift that is necessary to get the results I want.

I will post my 'before' pics tonight as well as my measurements and a recap of my goals as I think I have been kind of scattered the last couple of weeks.

Until tonight....♥

don't want to forget this feeling...

2010-08-31T13:06:00.000-07:00

I want to bottle up the way that I feel today and keep it in my pocket for when I need it again! Because sadly I know that my inner Gloria- gloomy face will show her ugly face sometime soon....

I did so good yesterday and today (so far) and I just feel good! I feel energized...I feel proud of myself...I feel like there isn't anything that I can't do and like the world is my wonderland.

Who would have thought that waking up at 4:40 in the morning would make me feel that way? I can tell you that most mornings when that 4:30am alarm goes off and I snooze continuously until I HAVE to get out of bed at about 5:20-ish I do not realize what I am giving up! A sense of accomplishment and happiness and contentment and drive and focus on my goals.

Hopefully I can keep this up, especially with my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred challenge starting tomorrow.
We shall see how powerful my desire to sleep is vs. my desire to be happy. You never know at that time of morning.

So my friend Alena is cute and wonderful and she was telling me this morning her affirmations for the day and I decided to let her in on the Drop Dead Gorgeous by December challenge! I am not sure how often she will be participating with me however she is just the best and I wanted to make sure that I shared! =)

Starting Weight:
175

Goals from now until December:
140
One brag from this week:
I resisted cookies and cake all week

One thing to improve upon for next week:
Drink more water

Anyone else that wants me to post their Drop Dead Gorgeous by December Challenge photo, I would be happy to do so! =) Also make sure that you send it to http://www.halfofjess.com/ as well! =) That is where this amazing inspiration came from! =)

mOmMyHoOd iS BeAuTiFuL BiTcHeS!

2010-08-30T19:24:00.000-07:00

even with the puffs in my hair, baby on my hip, honorary pj's uniform, spills, slips, booboos, tantrums and dirty diapers...I know that mommyhood is beautiful.

Starting Weight:
184lbs

Goals from now until December:
1.Lose 39lbs
2.Become a more active, healthier, more vibrant person.
3.♥Love what I see when I look in the mirror♥
4.Open my box of skinny clothes
5.Do the 5k in September

One brag from this week:
I dusted off the ol' elliptical today and actually USED IT! It was fun.

One thing to improve upon for next week:
Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred...DO IT ALREADY!!-----I joined a blog challenge to complete this. I start officially Sept 1st.

My Big Why

2010-08-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

For those of you that read my blog regularly you prob have noticed and been frusterated just like I have about how I have been having trouble keeping on track lately. I got to have a bonus day (we didn't have a sitter) with my son yesterday and WHEW! He is 9 months old and man o man does he wear me out! It made me realize that he is the main reason that I started this journey in the first place.

yep. this little guy the 2nd love of my life...

Becoming healthy became important to me after having him because I know that to be a good parent I need to love myself. So that I can teach him that he gets love himself and think positively about himself. I also get to be healthy and happy so that I am around as long as possible to show him 'the way'. (kind of like yoda eh? LOL) But really my cheeseball self aside...my little Oliver is my BIG WHY.

What is your big why? I want to hear all about it!

Much love,

No more snowballs!

2010-08-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

I know that is an odd picture since it is summer and all but I realized something yesterday about myself and I am sure most of you have been through this as well. I work in an office that has a potluck every month. Every month someone is smart and brings healthy options like a salad, some grilled chicken, fruit, veggies that kind of thing. (usually everything else is like a contest to see who can bring the most fattening, tempting and unhealthy things...which I contribute too as I always bring a dessert since I like to bake LOL) Every month I tell myself before the meeting that I will only eat the healthy things. I generally like to save my indulging for when I am with my husband since he doesn't ever eat healthy. But EVERY MONTH I say oh well just one piece of fried goodness or one dish of ice cream and ugh...before I know it that one little indulgence has snowballed into two plates of all bad stuff and I didn't even eat one healthy thing!
That is how it works with me. I can't just stop with 1 m&m that whole bag is going to be gone before I even have to time to think about it. So now that I am aware and conscious of this fact I get to do something about it. I know that I feel better when I eat better. I know that it is just my mean, fat alter-ego 'Gloria' talking when I want to snowball into wayyyyy too many calories. So now I get to sharpen my skills of saying NO! Not even just one.

Because we all know it is never just one.

I AM Powerful Bitches!

2010-08-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

So a blog that I read regularly (http://www.molly-fluffygirl.blogspot.com/) had a GREAT post this morning from another blogger that I read regularly (http://www.halfofjess.com/)! It had a great challenge on it. I challenge you to do it as well! I also reccomend both of the blogs above. I have been very short on inspiration lately and these blogs have helped me a number of times. As Jess says on her blog...

prepare to be inspired....

Starting Weight:

184lbs

Goals from now until December:

1.Lose 39lbs

2.Become a more active, healthier, more vibrant person.

3.♥Love what I see when I look in the mirror♥

4.Open my box of skinny clothes

5.Do the 5k in September

One brag from this week:

I am an organized person, my house is clean, I have a budget created...I ROCK!

One thing to improve upon for next week:

Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred...DO IT ALREADY!!

Weigh In Day

2010-08-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

So I still weigh 184lbs.

Honestly I don't know what I expected! My eating habits are shit and I just can't seem to find the motivation to change them. Well I have the motivation...I mean I want to get skinny I think what I am really lacking are the balls if you will!

I read an article recently about Nutritarians and it all made sense. It felt so insanely right as I was reading it... I was dumbfounded. I seriously think that a plant based diet is right for me...however I come from a home where we eat junk food and junk food and more junk food. There are only two of us. And I know my husband isn't going to start eating well in fact he has told me that he is going to eat what he wants. And he does most of the cooking...so where does that leave me? Going around in circles like this is causing me to do nothing instead of something. Maybe I just need to bite the bullet and say sorry husband but I am going to eat good and well even if that means we eat/cook seperate meals.

Another thing that has been bothering me is that I have lost 32lbs damn it. I feel like I am the only one that recognizes this. I don't want a lot of attention and saying this may sound vain but I think I expected poeple to watch me as I went through this journey and congratulate me and tell me I look good. I must not look good though becuase the people that see me every day have never said a thing.

I suppose the point of this post is that I am figuring out that I need to look to myself for commitment and motivation and I need to keep myself pumped up with my own encouragement. So CHEERS to me and all that I have accomplished so far. I have until December to shed these last few pounds and really turn my life around.

I think I expected that by about the half way point it would be easy. Well it's not easy but I am going to do it.

Moving Forward

2010-08-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

I am constantly moving forward. I have one question for myself today....

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TODAY TO GET

CLOSER TO REACHING MY GOALS?

I am going to go for a walk with my husband tonight and hit the treadmill in the gym at my apartment complex. I am going to give this whole 'running' thing a go.

Runners are hot. They are motivated...energetic and sassy. I want that. I think that I just need to quit making excuses and complaining and do it. I have been reading all of these blogs about people that are running and they seem like they have so much purpose. I have been silly thinking I could really reach my 70lbs lost goal by doing the bare minimum. That is getting me nowhere. In case you haven't noticed I haven't even lost weight in a couple of weeks. I am just maintaining.

So today to get closer to reaching my goals I am going to run. I don't know for how long. But I am going to do it.

♥

Searching for... something

2010-08-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have been so... in the pits lately!

The sweaty nasty pits. Ugh. Blegh.

So I decided to take a good hard look at my life and why I was making myself so unhappy and then...FIX it! Yay!

If only it were really that easy!

I did however come up with a plan and I already feel ten thousand million times better. ( I heard a little boy on TV say 'a thousand million...' and I can't stop saying it! So cute!) I had a good talk with my wonderful husband and I am ready to take control of my life...of my attitude and my general mental condition. My hormones have really put me through it since having my son and I am sick of it. So here is the plan.

Well first let me explain this a little bit.

First I thought of what I really want in my life. What is really going to make me a happier more fulfilled person.

Balance.

I desperately need to balance everything in my life. Otherwise what will my weightloss success be worth if my life in general is a mess? I I like to use affirmations to help me reframe negative thoughts and energy so I made a HUGE affirmation for my life and posted parts of it all around my house to keep me focused on what is important. So most of what I want is spoken in affirmations. Which means in a nutshell Instead of just saying I really want balance in my life. I call out to the universe and I tell it. "Hey! I am balanced!" Because I know that my thoughts create my universe. So I have learned to think powerfully. From there I just thought about what I needed to work on to achieve that balance. And here it is.....

I just thought of what I wanted and then I broke it down from there....

I AM ACHIEVING BALANCE AND PEACE IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE!

I am HEALTHY.

I am getting in shape.

I take loving care of my body.

I put effort in every day to feel cute and presentable.

I eat the things that give me energy and vitality and allow me to move forward with my goals.

I am ORGANIZED.

My home is a cozy, loving haven from my family. It reflects the things that are important to us.

My home is clean and organized.

My bills are paid, on time each and every month.

Billy and I are on a well planned functioning budget.

We have all of the worldly things we need.

I am at PEACE with my EMPLOYMENT.

I am at peace with my current working 'role'.

I am doing something that I enjoy.

I am able to provide for my family.

I am doing all that is necessary to improve my family's quality of life.

I am a LOVING FRIEND/WIFE, and MOTHER.

Oliver gets the best of my attention.

I am an active listener. I give my love and attention freely.

I have a fun, open, and honest relationship with my husband.

I let my husband know each day how much I love and appreciate him.

Affirmation for today.../...Weigh In

2010-07-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I AM A HEALTHY, RADIANT MOTHER.

MY LIFE IS BALANCED, ORGANIZED AND FILLED WITH JOY.

I AM BLESSED WITH EMPLOYMENT THAT ALLOWS ME TO PROVIDE
FOR MY FAMILY.

I AM A LOVING, CARING AND GIVING FRIEND, WIFE & MOTHER.

I AM GIVING RAIN.

Weigh In for today: 184lbs

CoUnTiNg CaLoRiEs...

2010-07-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

I am back to counting calories. I know you are probably thinking what I am thinking UGH! But I like counting calories for a couple of weeks. It helps we weed out all of the bad stuff until eventually I can just eat good things and it isn't soooo hard. Gets me used to looking at labels which I think is one of the best things you can do when changing eating habits. Those labels do not lie like your brain does when it is telling you to just keep eating eating eating. Those labels will tell you exactly how it is.

Also one thing that I believe is helping me is Oliver! On top of being adorable and me just wanting to keep up with him...he has started to eat table food and I am not going to be feeding him just anything. He will have all the proper nutrition which means so will Billy and I.

So here is to keeping the count!

Cheers!

The. Box.

2010-07-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot lately of the box of clothes that is sitting..lonely...in my closet. Mostly because we are moving in a couple of weeks and also because it depresses me that I still cannot wear them. They are my pre-marriage, pre-pregnancy clothes. I want so badly to be able to wear them. And at this point it has been so long since I have been able to that it iwll be like getting an entirely new wardrobe and who doesn't want that? But upon looking through these clothes a couple of weeks ago I also found my pre-pregnancy, pre-marriage box of unmentionables! It struck me that it is a little strange to be keeping old underwear! But I just can't bring myself to get rid of my 'sexy things'. From the time when I was thin and could be 'sexy' all the time with out even putting a lot of effort in. Now it is a whole big production....but that is another blog post lol.

It also made me realize a lot of people don't put a lot of thought into underwear when it comes to gaining a lot of weight. Or losing it! I know that I certainly didn't. I was very surprised after I had my son and tried to go back to my chongs (I really don't like the word thongs...it makes me thing of sticky dirty looking women...) to find that they didn't fit! I had to go out and buy larger underpants. But it wasn't only buying a larger size either. My new weight distribution just doens't work well with that...well that small amount of fabric! I work with a girl that 'just doesn't think it is right NOT to wear chongs ever and that anyone that doesn't wear them is just wrong. And while I love her I just have to think to myself...'Oh to be skinny again and think that my ass is going to stay the same shape for the rest of my life...'

These are really just random thoughts but when I was a cute thin girl I don't think I ever thought I would have a box of underwear in my closet that I can't wear and be wearing underwear that didn't make me feel randomly sexy or that matches my bra for that matter. I would have thought it was craziness too. Now I am all about comfort for my booty.

Back to the boxes though. I am so sad that I am moving this box with me. I should be giving away my fat clothes and unpacking my skinny jeans! I am not there yet though. I feel sometimes that along with boxing up my skinny clothes I boxed up a part of me...my self esteem and my random sexiness. I want that back. So I will continue working out...creating good life habits so that I can one day pull those sexy things and skinny things out of the box and enjoy them once again.

stressful situations

2010-07-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Do stressful situations drive you to eat? They do me.

I am just working on reminding myself of what is REALLY important and how I am going to feel after I bury my head in chocolate. Worse. I will feel worse if I eat eat eat.

So. Apples? HERE I COME!

she's back...

2010-07-12T10:35:00.001-07:00

Well I am proud to say that I am back. I said in my last post that I was working hard at getting my mind right and back into the swing of things. I am back! yay! I am so energized and excited for this weight loss journey that I am on. I sound like a total cornball but oh well. =) I can't wait to step on that scale in December and know that I have accomplished something not many people do. I have set my goal of 70lbs and I am going to reach it! woot woot!

It is so boring being a downer that is sad about being chubby all the time! So here's a few things that I am doin...

Your Shape...

Now don't get me wrong Jenny McCarthy's voice can get pretty annoying and it is very picky about the colors you are wearing but watching myself with that little camera sure does keep me motivated...with every jiggle I work just a little bit harder. =-) I am looking for a REALLY good yoga video too. I think that yoga is something that I could grow to love. I just need the right video. I got some on netflix but they were lame so...we shall see about that.

I ♥ My Husband!

I also have had a great conversation with my husband and he is totally on board now. He is actually participating in my planning of meals and encouraging me. That is really nice. I really needed that. I can only be my own cheerleader for so long ya know? I think that everyone needs some one constant in their corner. Of course the hard work and determination has to come from with in but sometimes you just need that extra push to really get there....

Good Start...

2010-07-05T16:26:00.000-07:00

So I am off to a good start reforming good habits, and being conscious of my food choices. I guess I will just leave out this weekend as it was July 4th and well...BBQ...cookies...ice cream...blegh...you name it, I ate it. But I had fun and to me it was worth it. However I did see a pic of myself that just reaffirmed why I am doing this.

That is my beautiful Sister-in-law Christy. Mother of two children- Hunter and Haylee. Walked a marathon that morning! Now I was wearing kind of a poofy shirt to hide my fat so that I would feel more comfy but I seriously look like I could have been pregnant. Which last 4th of July I absolutely was preggo meggo but this 4th all those people that saw me preggo last year were lookin to see how I have shrunk back to form and I do believe I got a few pity looks. So...like my last post said..moving forward!

You know this weight loss journey has really taught me the principle of routine! When I am in a good routine it is so much easier to fight those excuses that pop up to eat yucky stuff...(that makes me feel yucky) and to skip working out...) The best advice I could ever give would be to get into a good routine and create great habits.
Life happens and sometimes you have to break your routine but you can always go back to it.

That is all for today. As I get back into the swing of things I promise I will blog more. For now I am just working on getting back into those good habits that way I will have some actual results to post here!

Alright then...MoViNg FoRwArD

2010-06-29T17:24:00.000-07:00

I do not want to come on here and do yet another one of my posts where I talk about how I got off track and now I am getting back to it, however. LOL

I got off track and now I am getting back to it.HA! I have spent some time...basically a month living with excuses. And you know what? I felt aweful all month. I hated myself, my body, I have been moody I have been slightly depressed and no fun to be around. I have made so many excuses not to work out...I am sure they are excuses you have thought of before as well...

I am too tired today...
I have a head ache...

I will just eat this right now and then starting tonight...tomorrow...next week I will start eating right...

There is so much going on I just can't focus on this...

Oh the baby had a hard night last night...I need my sleep instead of working out...

Poor me, I hurt, I hate my life, working out sucks....

Who am I kidding 70lbs in a year?...I will be fat forever...

If my husband thinks I am so 'great' the way I am why even bother losing the weight?

What if I go through all this effort and still hate my body?

Oh you get the hint. That list could be a mile long full of the excuses I make up every day. The facts are I have been wallowing in everything that makes me unhappy and not working out, and not eating right has just been the icing on the cake. I am not sure how I let it last a month long but...I am starting to get my mind right now. I am back to counting calories and keeping track of my small goals. The good news as I have said before is that I expected to have set backs like this. I know myself. I am horrible at commiting to things, I am horrible with consistancy. But I owe this to myself. I deserve the body I want, the health and happiness that I want. The all around wellness that I want. And you know what? When I am working out and eating right as badly as I want to just stay in bed or eat all the yummy stuff I feel GREAT! I feel proud of myself, weigh ins are exciting and I have a certain glow about me. So cheers. Here's to falling off the wagon for a bit and climbing right back on.

love to you and yours!

Weigh In

2010-06-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

Well I am still at 189lbs ...

I know I said I gained 3lbs in Laughlin but I think it was all beer weight and I lost it pretty quick. So I say 'still' because in my mind I haven't gone anywhere. Man it would be nice to be back at 170lbs...that is what I weighed when I got pregnant. 15lbs to go?

I know I can do it.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself... any direction you choose."-Dr. Seuss

bathing suits...

2010-06-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

that's right. bathing suits.

just the sound of that word and I cringe! Until last weekend I had no desire to be seen in a bathing suit until next summer. I was prepared to wear my capri pants...sit out of the water fun activities and everything. And then I found out that the relaxing trip to Laughlin to the SPA was actually a trip to Laughlin to the LAKE to ride jet skis and boats! AGH! Total mental break down on my part. I know it is silly. I know I am grown, everyone knows I just had a baby, no body really cares what I look like. It is not like I was going to roll up in a thong bikini just rockin my poor stretch marked chubby body! AGH! But I was terrified. I have met all of my husband's coworkers maybe two or three times ever. And I was pregnant all of those times so I did not want them seeing me in a bathing suit. PERIOD.

Obviously I got over it. I went and got a tasteful mom-suit. One piece.You know... sucks ya in. hides the tummy dimples. And I will admit it wasn't so bad. But man did it put my priorities in perspective. I am insane! I let the way I feel about my body control everything. I was seriously considering not even going on our trip because of a tiny little piece of water-wear. I am soooo glad that I didn't though because we had so much fun and I realized (again) that I have the greatest husband. He really thought I was beautiful all weekend long. Even though I didn't see myself that way...he saw it. And in the end I felt that way. ♥

I did take the oppurtuniy to take 'before' pics of myself in the bathing suit so that I could compare when I squeeze into one next year. Here they are. view them if you dare.

Needless to say I have a new fire lit under my weight loss goals. So that is that. I don't have a lot to say about it because I haven't done much yet. Story of my life. But I gained three pounds just over the weekend. I forgot to log my weigh in so I will just let it be seen next Tuesday. I have conflicting feelings about that though. I know myself. I know what I like and I KNOW that if I don't let myself have these kinds of weekends where I eat and drink what I want than losing this weight is useless. Now I am just dealing with the struggle of getting back into everything. still. ugh. My goal is to have good productive news for you next week instead of "blegh I am tired and haven't been working out blegh."

Peace ♥ Love ♥ and Bathing Suits

Weigh In Day/Starting Fresh

2010-05-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

Ahhh....another weigh in day. 189lbs. I am in the 180's!

Now I just need a swift kick in the ars, becuase I did nothing to earn the poundage I lost this last week. I will celebrate the fact that I have set myself up diet wise to keep losing even when I am not working out and eating little treats I don't usually eat...but! If I can lose 1lb a week without even trying then come on Chelsee get it together!

I will repeat the beautiful quote I found last week:

"How does one become a butterfly?" "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

So this week, like so many weeks before I get to get back in gear. However I have to smile at that becuase that is what I fully expected my weightloss journey to be. I know myself. I know that consistancy is not my strong suite! I will do really good for two weeks working out, losing that weight feeling good about myself and my baggy clothes. And then I treat myself one time and for anywhere from 1 week to 2 weeks I am totally off track. I eat things I would say no to during the good times, I sit around when I would noramlly talk myself into being active. And ya know what? I am ok with that. Becuase that is what works for me right now. I am still on track with my weight loss goals. Do I know that I could do more? Absolutely! But at least what I am doing is working. I am not going to give up on my goals becuase I have some set backs. No sir.

I do want to say one thing though...This month is FLYING by! I have until the end of june to lose 4lbs. I know I can do it, but what if I lost 40lbs by my first goal cut off? That would be nice. I would be wearing most of my prepregnancy clothes if that were the case. I could finally put away the maternity clothes that I find comfort in when a waist line is just a little too tight. I would have a brand new wardrobe! woot woot.

So. I am changing my goal. 40lbs by June 31st. 30lbs by December 31st. And I am also adding another goal. I want to be in shape. That is something that I have not really been too concerned with. I want stamina, and I want to see myself moving forward with my working out...not just gettting by and being ok with getting the minimum done becuase "At least I worked out..." I want to see that my limit is 20minutes this week and 45 minutes two weeks from now becuase I have been chipping away at it. I want to see that I can barely do a girly push up this week and in a month I can do a full man push up. That excites me. Up until now I haven't been brave enough to want those things becuase I was glad that I was at least getting up and doing SOMETHING. I want to have expectations of my work outs now. Hopefully that doesn't end up driving me away from working out in the first place lol.

So. The way that I see to do that is to complete the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I have it, I like it, Jillians kicks my butt! However I do not do it consistantly (again not my strong suite) so I am at square one every time I start it. I give up in the same spots every time becuase every time is basically my first time. I am not building on any kind of a foundation. So. From now until June 31st my goal is to complete the 30 day shred.

My second goal is to stay on Alli and see if it really works. I am not doing the meal plan. It doesn't appeal to me at all. Maybe it's the rebel in me but I do know that one important thing that was important to me when I started my weightloss journey was that I wanted to be able to eat the things I like. I will make small changes here and there if it helps AND keeps me happy but I do not ever want a list of No-No foods. I know that I love food so much that if I do that to myself I will gain everything back as soon as I reach my goal weight. I count calories and I usually will choose the lower calorie items but I will not sacrifice deliciousness for weight loss. And so far it has been working. (27lbs down mayne!)

So a recap I know this has been all over the place!

Woot Woot! I lost 1 lb this week. (with minimal effort...blegh)

I have some new goals.

40lbs by June 31st

1. Complete Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred to build stamina and begin the process of toning and getting in SHAPE
2. Stay on Alli until at least June 31st

Love to you and your journey! ♥

LOVE IT

2010-05-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

"How does one become a butterfly?" “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

I have no idea where this came from...but I read it on a blog I follow called http://www.shewokeupfat.blogspot.com/.

I love it. I kind of rewrote it. Anyone that has gained weight should know how this feels...

"How does one become healthy?" "You must want it so much that you are willing to give up being overweight."

It makes sense to me in that way because sometimes being overweight is so much more comfortable than what I really want which is to be a thin, healthy HOTT mama. It is comfortable to NOT work out. It is easier that way. No matter how I feel about myself the facts are that it is easier to be lazy. It is easier to be overweight and not do anything about it. I have been demonstrating that this week. And I really want to be a healthy butterfly. Not a frumpy unhappy caterpillar.

That is all. Love to you!

Things I love...and Some I don't!

2010-05-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

Things that I hate about having gained around 70lbs....

The feeling of longing I get when I see my skinny pictures...

Packing away cute clothes that I love to wear...

Never feeling beautiful...

Blobby loose skin...yuck...

Two words...stretch marks...

When I hear...'Wow I didn't realize how skinny you were!'

How is the baby? (eyes scanning my body the whole time...)

Weird boobs....

Jiggly booty...

Back pain...

how I always feel like complaining about being fat...and yet rarely feel like doing anything about it...

Things that I love about losing weight...

How when I put my hands on my hips each time I swear I can feel more definition...

The feeling I get when I can once again wear something I haven't been able to wear for over a year before I got pregnant...(there are about 3 tubs of clothes waiting for me still!)

I feeling of confidence that I get every time I step on that scale and it shows me good results...

Knowing that I set small attainable goals for myself and REACHED them...

That I am not a lone...there are many of us out there fighting the good fight against our larger selves...

When someone notices all my hard work and says "man! you have lost weight!"...

I burst of energy I get after working our and eating right...

ahhhhh that feels better. The benefits are way better than the crappity crap crap I find to complain about.

Bikram Yoga and other things...

2010-05-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

So I had a little experience this week and before time goes by and I don't remember everything I wanted to say about it I thought I better blog quick on my break. Here's a hint...

I decided to give Bikram Yoga a go. Those that do not know what it is...Wikipidia says...."Bikram's Beginning Yoga Class runs approximately 90 minutes, incorporates a series of 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises, and is ideally practiced in a room heated to 105°F with a humidity of 40%."

Now if you are thinking I am insane I had a few logical reasons to put myself through this...

* There are a few people at work that love it! They rave about it...
*At the studio I went to they swear it is perfect for those that have never done Yoga and want to start...
*When I did the research online it said there are countless health reasons that it is good for you...body cleansing, blood pressure, flexibility, back problems, weight loss...the list goes on and on....
*There is a studio literally a block away from my house...
*The studio a block from my house is running a special $20 for 7 consecutive days
*I have always wanted to start doing yoga (yoga ladies have the hottest bodies and I am sure that all that flexibility doesn't hurt in the sack...I'm just sayin)
*I desperately need something in my life that I do by myself just for me my life consists of two things and two things only...Work (which I like but stresses me out quite often) and my lil Family (which I love but I can't be a caretaker 24-7)

So...with all these reasons why not right? Right. I went.

The first night my only goal was to stay in the room. And that is the advice I got from everyone I talked to. 'Just stay in the room the full 90 minutes'. So I did. I was very proud of myself. I felt dizzy and sick and I have never been covered by that much sweat EVER...But I did it. I completed a goal FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE! I didn't complete a single posture but...I stayed in the room! I am all about the small goals leading to big ones. I was going to set a goal for each class my ultimate goal to at least be finishing 7 days in a row.

After the first night I felt great...I love the idea of the 'Yoga' life style. They seem so secure in their bodies, they seem close to nature...they put 'namaste' at the end of everything....they are fit...they seem happy...they have plenty of time to meditate...and like I said that extra flexibility couldn't be hurtin' their sex lives...(sorry if that is TMI for you...hehehe) so I was excited at the prospect that if I could really wrap myself around this Bikram Yoga thing then I could have that peace, that physical fitness that I so want...among other things.

Then the 2nd night. My goal was to do one set of each posture. DID NOT WORK OUT. I was miserable the entire time. I was so out of my element. I think I probably pushed myself too hard and that is why I got so sick...I was throwing up for what seemed like forever and then I was expected to go back into the room. The entire time I was there I could not think of one thing I enjoyed other than learning the different yoga positions...I just hated it. None of those good feelings I had the night before were coming back to me. I was having a small panic attack in the bathroom after having completed 75 minutes and then yacking my brains out and knowing I was supposed to go back into that hell hole and finish... and I realized. It just isn't for me. Cut my losses and move on.

I think I am going to find a regular Yoga class though and do that. I just can't do the Bikram thing. I went through so many emotions afterward... I felt like a failure! I really wanted to do the 7 days but I am not going to be completely utterly miserable to complete 7 days of something I knew after only the second night I would never do again. It just didn't seem right.

So that was my experience. I think it is awesome the whole 'mind over body' thing but I am not good at it. I work out as best I can but I never want to do anything to make myself sick ever again. I just won't. It's not worth it to me. More power to those that do Bikram Yoga I just don't think it is for me. And hey! At least I was willing to give something new a try. I think that is a good thing.

I am still looking for that one thing for me to just get away and decompress...I know I will come up with something. I almost don't want it to have to do with working out though because I put enough pressure on myself for that anyways ya know? I want my THING to be fun...cheap and peaceful. So I will see....

I am really starting to love blogging and the feelings I get after putting my thoughts out into the universe. So much so that you can expect some GREAT BIG things from me blog-wise coming soon. Right now I am just learning as much as I can about the technical aspects of it and then I will unveil my master plans! MWA-AH-AH!

The proof is in the PJ's...

2010-05-02T15:28:00.000-07:00

I know I know...this is not my weigh in day. Well I just weighed myself and I am pleased with the results!

191lbs!

That's right folks...I weigh less than Billy! I lost 4lbs since my last weigh in! And I also felt so good that I have taken some pictures to show my progress! It has been a while since I have taken any pics. I looked pregnant in my last ones. see...

Granted that was about 8 weeks after I had Ollie. Ok I just have to say one thing about these pics below. My first instinct was to pull my shorts up to hide that there muffin top. I didn't feel like that would be me being too honest with myself though. So here is me...25lbs down and 50lbs to go. ♥

I think that the thing that feels the best about this is that when I was getting my bag ready for our big trip to the hospital (I had it ready about a month in advance...hehehe yeah we are THOSE parents) anyways...getting 'THE BAG' ready to have Oliver and I went and bought myself these beautiful red polka dot silk PJ's. I got the largest size thinking "oOoOoOo these will be so roomy and comfy when we are in the hospital after I have the baby..."

Well I couldn't even get them on. I was so bummed in the hospital and I have tried these stupid PJ's on three or four more times since then. Well I put them on today and....

TA DA!

The proof of my progress is in the PJ's.

Love to you! ♥

Gloria IS BACK!

2010-04-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

dun dun dun!!!! (dramatic organ sounds...)

Gloria is back!

hehehe. Ok so when I was younger and used to drink way more than was good for anyone...I gave myself an alternate persona. Because I noticed when I was drunk I became a different kind of person. I was louder...I cried a lot...I was mean sometimes. So I started calling myself Gloria while I was intoxicated. (I know funny and kind of sad at the same time...)

Ok so I am not proud of it but when I started doing that it somehow made me more conscious of the fact that I was acting in a way that I didn't like. I did not like 'Gloria' so I decided to see less and less of her and now me and this Gloria person are basically strangers. Well I decided to bring Gloria back and now let me tell you she has a whole new set of problems....

This is relevant to my weightloss I just figured it out. I was just in the kitchen at work and all these goodies were out tempting me to indulge and I was thinking "NO NO do not eat them." And then everytime I walked past them there was another voice...a voice saying "eat them they are so delicious." And I was thinking...does the indulgent fat side of me want this or do 'I' really want this. And the answer is that NO! 'I' really do not want those yummy delicious goodies because they make me just a little bit too booty-licious and make me sad and mopey when I don't hit my weight loss goals.

Am I making any sense? So I have decided to bring Gloria back into my life. Not that I am going to go on a drinking bender or anything I just want to keep myself in check. Now when I want to be lazy or indulgent or sneak a bit here or there I can just ask myself...

...Is it Gloria that wants to do that...or do I really deserve a treat?

Now you may be thinking...Chelsee you have lost it. Not only do you have really bad self esteem issues...but now you have a multiple personality disorder! But I think it is just one more tool that I can use to convince myself to just do it! To just eat right and work out and reach all of my goals.

Who knows. Maybe the bitch Gloria will help me to get er' done!

♫...LiFe...♪

2010-04-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

Well. It is Monday. I did not start the Alli weightloss aid pill yet. I am starting it today. I thought we would go shopping early on Saturday so I could be totally healthy but we didn't go until late that day...so I pushed it to today.

ahhh....I love my Monday's with Oliver. And I am so lucky I get a five day weekend with Oliver this week! I work Tuesday and Wednesday and then we don't have babysitters for Thursday or Friday so I am staying home with Ollie! ♥ YAY! ♥ I am very excited about it. I can't even tell you how badly I wish every week was like that! Maybe one day though...maybe if Billy gets a raise one day soon I can go to working just 2 days a week. I really want to make the most of my time off though because who knows when I will have 5 consecutive days off again. Speaking of my Oliver. He is getting so big! Here are some updates...

He is eating baby food now. Which is just so much fun for us! I love watching his reaction to all the flavors and textures. And he gets so messy! That is taking some getting used to because I am totally that mom that wants everything neat and clean. (we will see how long that will last..boys are so messy.)

He is also very rambunctious these days. (I have no idea how to spell that word) He laughs and giggles and plays and gets mad at us. I just love it. He is not close to crawling at all though. He doesn't even try. He hates being on his belly. I just can't believe he is almost 6months. crazy.

I think that he just started teething(for real) last night. He was very sad and we gave him some baby orajel and for the first time it worked to calm him down. So we will see how he does with that can of worms! AAACK!

Here are some pictures of our cute boy! ♥

He just melts my heart. I love him. I can't wait to see more of his personality as he gets older. He is till our mellow boy though even with the teething and rambunctiousness.

As for weightloss. Hmmm is all that I can really say. I plan on going for a walk with Ollie today. I think we will do my elliptical today too instead of the Your Shape game. I did that one yesterday and the day before. I have a lot of motivation to lose this last 10lbs before June. That will keep me on target. Let's see...we are going to Michigan in June...I want to have some clear progress by that time. I don't want to be Billy's fat wife that couldn't lose the baby weight ya know? geez that sounds so bad but that is really how my mind works. It is strange too because I don't judge others as harshly as I judge myself. We are also going to have family pictures done sometime soon. We only had Oliver's pics done last time. So I want to at least look ok if I have to stare at these pics until we get new ones done next year. I also bought some size 12 pants that I am excited to wear a long with all the other clothes I could wear before I got pregnant. I really want to fit into cute clothes. It will be so nice when I can get dressed up to go somewhere and feel cute! I miss that feeling. Now I just feel...yucky.

Anywho enough of that. I added a new section to the right of my blog. It is about books I am reading. I am finding more and more that I am only interested in reading books that I feel that teach me something interesting or how to make my life better...more fulfilled. So check that section our every once in a while since it will change. Also as soon as I am done with this posting I am going to do a special posting all about DrEaMs...something anyone that knows me knows I like to do a lot of! ♥

Well that is that....I will come back soon and blog some more! ♥

I Am Lazy Smurf

2010-04-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

Ok. We have all heard this song from me before. So I will spare you the wining about how lazy I have been. I have been this:

For the last couple of weeks. The results are that I have gained 1lb. I am at 196lbs. And have lost no weight.

So. I am getting back into it. Although I did enjoy all my relaxation I deserve the body of my dreams and I am going to acheive it damn it!

I haven't blogged in a while...I had a sick baby...which let me tell you is about the worst thing in the world. His poor lil self was sooo out of it all weekend and monday and tuesday too. It broke my heart! His face was so blank and all he wanted to do was sleep and cuddle. Poor lil guy. He is much better now! Smiling and laughing and brightening our lives every day.

I think also that I have spring fever! I am loving the weather lately! I have been leaving the doors at our house open and smelling the air over and over again. I hope summer never comes! I just love love love spring time! Billy told me that in Michigan they have weather like that until around July or so. JEALOUS! One day we will live there though and I will get four whole seasons!!!!!! WINTER SPRING SUMMER & FALL! Imagine that! One cool thing about our weather though is that the last couple of days out of no where it was chilly and it rained! And a friend from work and I ran in the rain. Rain just brings so much joy into my life. I love the smell the sound the way the sky looks...just everything! So it was like a little bonus!

So anyways as for my weight loss I have a couple of new weapons of fat destruction in my arsenal. mwa-ah-ah!

A while back I bought the Alli starter kit. Starting on Saturday I am going to start taking that. I have gotten very good with my diet so I trust myself. And Billy and I bought a wii which is so much fun and totally gives at least my arms a work out! Billy bought me a work out game for it. It is the 'Your Shape' work out by Jenny McCarthy. I have only done it twice but I like it so far. It has a camera attached so that you can see what you look like doing the work outs and make sure you are doing it right. Something I struggle a lot with since I am about as coordinated as a cow. ♥

Other things I have always had are....

I still have my elliptical, Billy actually enjoys going for walks with me when he is not on call and the weather is beautiful so we can go for hikes and walks in the mountains and around the neighborhood. I also have the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred video that I have yet to complete more than 3 days in a row. I have a balance ball and weights and geez. I have everything I need to get into shape...now I just need to make the commitment to at least 3-5 work outs a week and follow through with it! So that is that.

I really want to start blogging more about all the things in my life. Weight loss is all well and good but there is more than that going on...my cute little family is thriving and I am so grateful for them. So look for more updates on family and personal stuff instead of just my weightloss journey. All of that impacts my weight/self esteem anyways. ♥

Well this has been an all of ther place blog entry LOL! I will be back soon! ♥

Lovely

2010-04-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
-Victor Hugo

Hit the Snooze-BLEGH

2010-04-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

I cannot wake up early. I know I need to and I just can't! This is me...

Having lovely dreams and then just turning the stupid thing off and then I fall back to sleep before I even realize what I am doing! It is so frusterating. I know that waking up at 4:30am is the only way I am going to get through this 30 day shred. I have too much taking care of the family stuff to do in the evenings and by the time I am done it is too late! I am pooped and say ahhhhh forget it. But at 4:30am there is nothing else I should be doing except for sleeping...there is nothing else weighing on my mind that I should be doing at that time... (cuddling my cute baby....cooking dinner...balancing budgets...keeping track of bills and mail...cuddling my cute husband...organizing laundry...cleaning cat boxes...washing dishes/sanatizing bottles...ugh the list goes on....)

So I am looking for ideas on how to get my butt out of bed! I set my phone alarms. There are 3 of them! And yet I can go through all three turning them off with out even realizing it until and hour and a half later when Billy is kicking me out of bed.

ideas?

Moderation is the key/ Weigh In

2010-04-13T17:20:00.000-07:00

Well let's just scrap all of last week!

I was bad. I think that I was celebrating being down a solid 20lbs and being on track for my 30lbs by June. I am not really sure. All I know is I indulged one time and it was so hard to go back to being good. And I was so painfully lazy too! UGH! I know I preach about the 80/20 rule but I am not good at it myself. At first I was but these days I either need all or nothin...no nibbles here and there. Healthy or no. And then maybe eventually I can get into having like sat and sunday being my official cheat days once I get like a month of goodness in me.

I am determined to get back on track! Weigh in was today. I am down one pound. So I weigh 195lbs. I went and bought new pants for work finally. I have gone from a size 18 to a size 14. WOOT WOOT! That was very motivating because I did stare longingly at a size 10 for a minute thinking about when I felt huge wearing that size instead of an 8.

So that is what is going on with me. Mostly just busy trying to keep my little family organized...on a budget...and happy! I still have yet to get into a really good workout routine. I am not sure what it is going to take for that. My goal right now is to do my Jillian Michael's 30 day shred for 30 days in a row. Imagine that concept! I have done it one day so far! hehehe...hopefully I find no excuses tonight. I definetly need it.

Well...I will leave you now! Gotta go get my cutie patootie baby food eatin' Oliver!

It has to be said.

2010-04-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point- that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative- self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. -- Jennifer James

Weekly Weigh In

2010-04-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well I weighed myself on Tuesday morning! I think that I am going to have to move my weigh in date to Tuesdays because I keep peeking at it that day anyways. So Tuesdays from now on.

Tuesday Morning I weighed.......196lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNDER 200lbs! You have no idea how FANTASTIC that feels! I cried for days when I was pregnant and got above 200lbs! I am really close to weighing less than Billy too! He weighs 195lbs! WOOT WOOT!

I HAVE LOST 20lbs since January! WOOOOOHOOOOO!

The crazy thing is that I know I have more! I know that if I really apply myself I can lose all this weight faster than I am giving myself. I still do not work out every day. I do my best to do something...play wii...walk...do my elliptical. I am in really good eating habits too though. I know that is helping. Just imagine if I started working out twice a day every day! CRAZY!

On the other hand though I am not so sure that 6lbs in one week is a healthy amount to lose? Maybe I have been eating way less than I thouhg. Either way it is cause for celebration. I am just 10lbs away from my June goal (to lose 30lbs by June 31st) and 50lbs away from my December 31st goal (to lose 70lbs)!

SO YAY FOR ME! =)

heavy thoughts is all...

2010-04-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

I am struggling so much with having gained all of this weight. It effects me in every single area of my life. I don't know how to love myself fully and be...like this. I look at pictures of me now and pictures of me from just a year and a half ago and it makes me so sad. I don't even look like the same person. I know that it takes time...I know that I am doing what I can...(being 100% embarrassingly honest...I know I could be doing more too and I just don't know why I don't....)and I also know that a change as drastic as the one that I want can't happen over night. It is just hard.

the emotional effects are so surprising to me. I hate the looks I get from skinny people when I bring up my weight. I try not to talk about it all the time and they just give me this look like 'you are fat. period. do something about it.' like it is that easy. Or they just constantly check me out to see if I have lost the weight yet. It makes me want to stay inside my house all day every day and never come out until I look the way I used to.

I think that I rely too much on others reactions to figure out what I think of myself. I can go all day having built myself up in the morning thinking I look nice and cute and I did a great job dressing myself and on my hair and make up....then one person's look or comments can just topple all of that work to make myself feel good. And no one is mean to me. It is not like I have people telling me what a nasty fat ass I am...it is just their silence or when they say man you look tired (when i think I look awesome) or when they say things like 'My friend...she's even bigger than you are chelsee...' or when they attempt to push their own weight loss techniques on me and think if I am not a super gym freak then I have no reason to feel bad about my weight.

It just hurts being like this. And I know that it is all in my head. I know that it is all my own BS. It is really effecting me at work. I have no confidence what so ever in my work...in my skills...in my appearance. I am letting jealousy and coveting what other poeple have or look like absolutely RULE my existence. It is making me miserable. I hate it. It seems like just when I am in a good place I see a recent picture of myself and get pushed back to perspective of how big I am...or I will see someone that is losing weight faster than me with less effort...or I will see someone getting more attention than me..more recognition then me and think it is because of how they look or flirt with those in charge. UGH! It is a poison in my life and I want it gone. I want to like who I am and have confidence in myself and my abilities regardless of how I dress or look. It is very hard at work though being surrounded by so many skinny beautiful women. I want to WANT to go out and see people and do things and instead I want to curl up in a ball and not be around anyone because I get crazy anxiety getting dressed or knowing I am going to see someone that knew me when I was skinny. I want to throw on some sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt and hibernate until I get skinny.

Ugh. All of these weird feelings just hurt is all and I am totally doing it to myself. Other people can't help that they are pretty or skinny or better than me at stuff. I get to just learn how to love myself for who I am...fat skinny or inbetween. I just am not sure how to do it when most of the time the bad feelings are so much stronger than the good ones. Man this weight thing which as you can see is really just a self esteem thing seems like a huge hurdle. It is making me mentally unstable I think.

I guess I just need to keep on truckin. So if you have ever felt like you are sabotaging your own life or like you have poisonous thoughts stuck in your veins...I understand! I totally understand.

At least I feel better now after getting all the weird stuff out in words. kind of. lol. I am just going to keep working out and keep eating well and eventually I know it will pay off. No one said this journey would be easy.

Success

2010-03-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

I am so excited! I weighed myself this morning and I have lost.....

dRuM rOlL pLeAsE.....

4lbs!

I am so glad I did well last week. Now I just need to keep these successes rolling and I will reach my goal weight in no time! I will blog more later...I only had a quick sec to tell you my news!

Weeks Plan

2010-03-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

So my plan for this week is simple!

Elliptical 3days this week. -Monday -Wednesday -Friday....about 30min each day.

Consume no more than 1200-1400cal each day.

Walk with my mom every day. (short walk tomorrow my long workday and long walk the rest of the week)

Play Wii as much as possible! ♥

Billy and I got a Wii finally! I have been wanting one forever. It is great fun and while I really don't care if it boosts my weight loss I think that it might. It totally gets your heart going and my arms are already sore from boxing LOL! Hopefully it will yield some results but I am not going to depend on it. We are considering getting a Wii Fit board but I just don't know if I want to. That is a lot of money to spend on something just to help me lose weight. I got my elliptical for my birthday and I will be honest I barely use it. I always find excuses not to. I have no problem walking every day but climbing on that thing is hard then I thought! That is why my goal this week is three days a week. It seems less daunting. I won't have a lot of guilt associated with the machine if I only PLAN on using it 3 days. And I am walking with my mom or by myself every day so really it is a good plan I think.

So that is that. I am terrified to weigh myself this week. I think I have done ok but I guess we'll just have to see.

Oh and I also bought the Alli starter set. I am not using it yet though. It was on sale...a really good sale and I just couldn't pass it up. I am no good with being on very specific diets because I am going to eat what I want no matter what. So...I am hesitant. I need to read the pamphlets through and through and see if the way I eat will work and if it does then hey...why not? But that is a while off. Prob about two weeks if I do it.

I am gonna go climb on my elliptical now. getting rid of my baby weight one tiny goal at a time.

☺

WiShEs oN eYeLaShEs...

2010-03-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

"It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan." Eleanor Roosevelt

CRAP.

2010-03-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

oh my oh my.

Depressing. Get ready. I cheated on Sunday and snuck a little peak at the ol' scale before my official weigh in day tomorrow. Guess what? I have gained weight!!!!!! I was sooo sure that I had lost soooooo much weight the last week. I was so proud that even though I had been sick two weeks straight and feeling crummy I was still vigilant about eating well. I ate so good. Healthy...smaller portions.

I weigh 205lbs. I gained 3lbs since last week. I know it is not the end of the world. And if anything it really just encourages me to work even harder now that I can work out and eat better. I literally could not work out the last couple of weeks. When I did work out it just put me over the edge and halted any getting betterness I was doing. =(

There is a part of me that upon learning this news was like. Shit. I give up. Life hates me. But luckily I hate my body. I hate seeing myself in pictures and I loath being around people with my new body. I don't feel like me anymore. And I want me back. I know that if I can just stick with this crazy goal of mine and really do it even just get on the right track and start getting results I will feel better. I know it becuase I felt GREAT when I was losing good weight in January. I want that back! Fatty that is what I am and I am tired of it. I don't even care who gets mad for me calling myself that. I am not a skinny. that is for sure. So Fatty it is. FOR NOW.

Oh and today? Well you can just put TODAY in the trash can. I ate like shit. I ate all kinds of shit actually. It was potluck day at work and I just went to town. I also had starbucks this morning and a pumpkin loaf. It was insane. I had a little procedure done on my toes so I can't really work out today BUT tomorrow IT IS ON! I am going to literally work my ass off. CARDIO CARDIO CARDIO. And then see where that gets me. As well as eating well. At least I am in the habit now whether it worked or not of eating better healthier smaller portions. (today is an exception and believe me I am paying for it.) I am sick of TALKING about getting into a good routine...I am just ready to get into one. I know that is what I need to do to get results. I know I need to get results to feel better and I know I need to feel better to take this thing all the way to 70lbs.

So yes. Today. Crap.

Tomorrow. A NEW DAY.

wEeKeNd ♥ gOaLs

2010-03-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

I love the weekends. It is so nice hanging around doing nothing! ahhhhh I LOVE IT! I am still sick. Blegh. I wish it would just go away. I have been much more active this week than last though which is good. At a cost though. I am exhausted.

I am looking forward to feeling better. That is for sure. Emotionally I have been doing a lot of healing. Like I said in my last post I know that it is completely up to me how happy I am and I am choosing to be happy. No matter what is going on or bugging me. As far as weight loss I plan on at least going for a walk and doing my elliptical 20-30 minutes every day on my nice 3 day weekend. I have been eating very well. My goal each day for calorie intake is between 1200-1400 calories a day and I have barely been reaching 1200 a day all week. Hopefully on weigh in day I can catch up. I still really want to reach my goal of 30lbs by June and believe me if I lose more than that it will not hurt my feelings.

Soooooooooooooooooooo....it has been a while since I have done a recap on my goals. Here they are.

When I started in January I was 215lbs. The Last time I weighed myself I weighed 202lbs. (I hoped that I would have lost some poundage being sick the last week and I didn't.)

My goal weight is 145lbs.

To reach that goal I get to lose 70lbs. I have lost 13lbs so far and have 57lbs still to go! Woot woot for goals!

I split my 70lbs goal into two parts. 30lbs by the end of June and 40lbs by December. (I left 40 for December because by then I will be in better shape.)

I have 17lbs left to lost by the end of June!

So there is the break down. I think it is time for a nap right about now....I am not feeling so well!

Happy on the InSiDe....♥

2010-03-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

Well. After a lot of venting, wining and generally feeling like crap. I got sick. Imagine that. ( I believe my friend DreAnn has been telling me health follows thought or some such thing forever now..) I have been sick since Thursday so let's just not even discuss working out. It hasn't been happening. Period. I may have lost weight though because I haven't had much of an appetite.

I have however (when I am not sleeping) been thinking a lot about what is bothering me. What is really bothering me. I started to get worried that maybe I am suffering from post partum depression. I just haven't been able to get happy. It used to be so easy for me. I was always happy I generally liked everyone. And then pregnancy and birth and hormones...and you get the picture. bitchiness has taken over...which has caused guilt...guilt like I am sure some have never seen. It is amazing how bad I can make myself feel. Other things that have been eating at me are...I am unhappy with my body...I am not sure what is going on with me at work. I never worried too much about it and now that I have Oliver to provide for every little thing just stresses me out.

Anyways all this is going on and really I just feel like I should be happy. I am doing what I can to improve my body. Billy and I are taking steps to improve our finances so honestly that area can't stress me too much because I am working on it. I have the best baby ever. He is so calm and sweet. And Billy and I have never been closer. My family and I have never been closer. I have a great job. It pays well. I like most of the people I work with. They promote a positive environment. Yet knowing all of this, constantly reminding myself of all of this...I can't seem to just breathe in and out...and be happy.

Instead I am mean...I cry a lot over nothing much at all...and I am carrying around guilt like ugh.

Then today. ahhhh glorious today. I woke up. Still sick. I went to UMC quick care to nip this cold right in the butt before going back to work tomorrow. I went to CVS after to fill my prescriptions and bought a magazine called 'Self'. Got medicated...took as long a nap as Oliver would let me and then started flipping through 'Self' magazine. It is great. It has everything I want to read and none of the things I am not interested in. I think I have found my new magazine for my life. Let's face it I am not leading the life of a 'Cosmopolitan' single-sexcapades-fun-n-flirty kind of girl anymore. This magazine has just what I need. Literally. There is in article in this month's issue called 'Find The Happy In Every Day'. It is basically an excerpt from a book that the editor of the magazine recently wrote called ' The Nine Rooms of Happiness'. It is a great article and kind of long so I am only going to mention what really caught me and what I think will help me in the future.

*She mentioned how emotional health is like your body's health. It is something that needs to be worked on and cultivated and you need to get emotionally healthy sometimes just like you need to get body healthy.

(What an IDEA!)

*She likens all of our different troubles and problems to different rooms in a hypathetical house. She talks about how we carry around our different troubles that really belong only in one room to a bunch of different rooms.

(for example the bathroom of our house is where all body image emotions should stay..however I carry this around with me like it's glued to my hip and let it infect and dirty all the other areas of my house (or life.))

*She listed 9 'Happiness Helpers' I am not going to list the strategy just the keys...

1. You can't live in the past. Now is it.

2.Be authentic; Be true to you.

3. You can change only yourself.

4.We don't complete each other. We overlap.

5. It's not all about you.

6.Conflict can be ok.

7.Actions speak louder than words. -this one was my favorite. It says: "When you can't express yourself, you tend to misbehave in passive but noticeable ways..." I totally have been doing this.

8.Know your limits. Be strong to help others.

9. Go (with the status quo) or grow.

I am not sure if you are getting why this helped me and I really only blogged it because reading this article has been like a light on in my head. I am so ready to take control of my own life. I really get to decide to be happy. No one else can do it for me. I am sick of hearing myself whine on and on about all that is 'wrong' or bothering me.

"If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms on life, you must accept the terms it offers you." TS Elliott

Here is the link to the article that changed my life so you can view it online. I hope it can help you how it has helped me.

http://www.self.com/health/2010/03/nine-happiness-helpers

general ranting and such

2010-03-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

Geez. I sure wish people would keep their eyes to themselves. I have had the oppurtunity to see a few people that haven't seen me since I was pregnant (or some before I was preggo) and they always ask the same questions. You know how it goes...how are you doing? how is the baby...? And I glow and smile and tell them how much I love him...what a great baby he is. Then this question comes. How old is he now? I smile and say "4 months. I can't believe how time is just flying by. hahaha...." And then it happens. everyone does it. Their eyes scan up and down my body to check in and see how I have changed since having a child. Usually their eyes stop for a moment right at my midsection checking to see how much weight I have left to lose. And the reason I know this is what they are doing is becuase I used to do it. I still do it actually. I have just become a little more sneeky about it. It just sucks. I don't want people eyeing me like that. I know I don't look that great right now. Do they have to make that discovery standing right in front of me?

The good thing is that I am doing something about it. I am well on my way to losing this weight it just sucks. I will admit I want instant gratification. Being over weight and SOOOO much heavier than I used to be is sucking the life right out of me. I hate the looks I get all the time now. The skinny girls at work that complain they want to 'tone up' or lose 2lbs won't even listen to me anymore when I talk about the 70lbs I want to lose. The looks they give me are aweful too. It's like hello a little support please? I know it is going to be a while before people are like wow Chelsee you have a lost a lot of weight but really? Do they have to get quiet and give me pitiful looks when I talk about how I am doing? I don't even bring it up anymore. And when it is brought up in front of me people just get quiet and change the subject. Ugh.

Can I just say I am sick of girls in general? They suck. I have never had the pleasure of having one really good friend that is a girl unless you count my sister in law who lives far away now and we never really get to talk. Man I am going through some crazy mind shit right now and I feel completely alone. I feel like no one wants to listen to me. Even though I listen to them all the time with any kind of problems they have and try to cheer them up best that I can when they are sad. I need to quite expecting people to care about me when I am not happy. When I am not having any problems poeple are everywhere for me. But as soon as I become a sad-crap-bag where is everyone? Where do they go? I get that no one wants to be around someone that is being negative but holy cow. It just makes me feel worse ya know? When I am sad I guess I need to just rely on myself for cheer. For strength and advice. Other people never seem to have the energy or care to listen to me anymore.

Man I am a downer. Sorry. I just needed to rant a little bit today. I am not eating emotionally anymore and so I have no outlet for all these feelings flying around my brain anymore. ugh.

On a positive note....I have been eating well. Very good in fact. Yesterday I was sick so I barely ate anything at all but what I did eat was full of vitamins and goodness. I feel like it set me on the right track for today. I am feeling a little ill still but over all ok. I just need to get through work with out having a break down and then go to my happy place at home with my boys. ♥

Ho To Be An Effective Adult

2010-03-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

I wish I really knew how to be an effective adult. I have been so lost recently. Not sure how I feel about anything. One of my favorite blogs that I read "The Token Fat Girl" had exactly what I needed on this fine Wednesday afternoon.After going to the grocery store to get stamps and buy myself some flowers on my lunch break I was about to seek counseling thinking that I was suffering from post partum depression or some such thing when I read this...

"Everything is related and I just wish sometimes that I could be like other people. Okay with being at the same job for the rest of their lives, okay with simple day to day security, okay with watching the same network tv shows after work, okay with never dancing, or changing the color of my hair, or how I dress, or never wondering that I'm giving enough of myself, or never accomplishing anything. I worry about losing friends, or never making new friends, or never being a truly kind or likable person. Just okay with being, just as I am for the rest of my life. I envy those people, but grateful that I'm not.

I always ask myself "will i be okay if i go my whole life without doing __________" and the answer is almost always no. But, it's not possible to do everything in one life. I worry about never making enough money to travel, to visit new cities, to visit old cities that I once loved, to own my own business, to raise a child, to eat good food. I worry about getting stuck, complacent, comfortable. I worry about being one of those women who has the same hair style for 15 years, that ones I see sobbing on Oprah makeover specials. The ones that forget who they were, their dreams and some how changing their hair, changes everything. Even though it has nothing to do with their hair."

My husband is very much like the people in the first paragraph. He is so comfortable with our life at the moment and all I can think about is how I can make it better...better by moving or staying home with Oliver full time...going back to school...figuring out how to get into our dream home...how to pay for Oliver's college. The list goes on and on. Weightloss is just one thing that keeps me up at night. The rest is the gravity of realizing that I am an ADULT! I have a life that will be looking to me for answers for the rest of his adorable little life! What if I fail!?! What if I don't teach him enough or if we are poor forever because my husband is 'happy the way we are'? Then I feel bad for not just living for the moment and enjoying my life fully as is. I have a great WONDERFUL husband (he is hott too!) and the most adorable baby boy. I have a good job and we are so lucky to have the child care of my mom and sister. I just. I don't know. I am worrying day and night.

Any who! My 23yrold life crisis aside! Weigh in was today! I have lost 4lbs in the last week! WOOT WOOT! I am so so happy! Still working on a routine that works off work and on work but apparently something I am doing is working. So today I shall celebrate my week's success. After about 5 more lbs I will weigh less than BILLY! Now that will really be a celebration! You have no idea how much it bothers me to weigh more than my husband!

Love to you! ♥ ♥

I will write again very soon! (I know it has been a while.)

Getting Through The Day...

2010-03-02T15:51:00.000-08:00

Today had been a hard day. Stinky. I didn't like it. On my first morning that I planned on waking up early to work out Oliver had a rough night. And this is so rare. He usually sleeps right through the night. However last night he woke up at 2:30am wanting to be held and didn't go back to sleep until after 4am. So of course when my alarm went off at 5am i was only awake enough to turn it off and chuck my phone across the room.

So this means that today's work out is all up to tonight. I will get to do my elliptical of course =). I think that might be all though. Billy doesn't want me walking alone at night which makes sense. Maybe I will do my Jillian Michaels DVD. It is so embarrassing though when Billy is there and can see me do it. I am so uncoordinated and I huff and puff and sound like I am dying when I do it. LOL.

Ugh. My montly curse is here today too. I feel all bloated. Back to the preggo eggo days almost. Yuck.

Also I am dying slightly because I had no 2:30pm Red Bull! I usually have a red bull but I am cutting back on those and so I am dying. People my age are habign heart attacks because of these things and I am having one a day! Man it is 3:45pm and I am lagging. No idea how I will get anything done. I did make some tea but it is weak sauce after those giant delicious Red Bulls I am used to.

Man listen to me complaining! Eek! My day really isn't THAT bad. I have had worse I need to be a little more positive. But what can I say. I am tired.

So here's to (raising my glass of tea) getting through the sleepiest day of my life and keeping my goals while doing.

Those Bad Mother Runners

2010-03-01T14:23:00.000-08:00

I just went for a GREAT walk with Oliver. It was so fantastic! I always feel so good when I do but today I feel like I got a great work out in because I found this awesome new trail. We have a lot of cool stuff within walking distance of our house. I found this great walkway meant for walking, jogging, bike riding and it goes between two great parks and a bunch of shops (one of which has delicious frozen yogurt although I had none today).

Today on my walk I went into a shop called Fleet Feet it is a store for runners and they sell shoes specifically fitted for your type of feet. It is a great little shop. I went in there to see if they had any pedometers so I can keep track of how many calories I am burning on my walks. He said they would have some in like two weeks. I just looked around for a minute.

Man. Runners are so inspiring arn't they? That store made me want to be a runner so bad! They are so fit and so energized. They have the greatest most fit looking bodies. They have the greatest athletic wear. (come on ladies your were thinking it!) I mean the little tennis kind of skirts or the sports bras and little shorty shorts they run in. They had this one shirt that said 'Bad Mother Runner" on it. I wanted it. I want to be a Bad Mother Runner. =)

That store really energized me and made me want to keep up with my goals and get a real good routine going. Who knows. Maybe once I can keep up with walking every day I will start running. The guy at the store said just to start really slow. Run for two minutes and walk for three. Then run for two minutes and walk for three. So that is my goal. I am going to go for a walk every day before work. And if that gets to be hard because of how crazy our mornings already are then I will switch to evenings.

Ahh what a great day. And now Oliver is screaming at me to pay attention to him. ♥

Love to you!

iT's A gOoD dAy...

2010-01-10T13:16:00.000-08:00

I remembered something today...I get to decide when I have good days and when I have bad days. I had a couple of dissapointing days and I let it bring me down...no good. If I am going to accomplish this goal of mine...70lbs...70 whole pounds then it is very important that good days or bad it is up to me how I react. REFRAME --When I accomplish this goal of mine...70lbs...70 whole pounds then it will have been up to me whether or not I had good days or bad.

With that said...update time! =)

I have been thinking a lot about my smaller goals to achieve my bigger goal. Here they are. I will be weighing myself every Wednesday and taking my measurements every month.

6 Month Goal....30lbs by July 31st

(that will leave me the last 40lbs to lose by December 31st)

Monthly Goal....5lbs

(until July 1st and then it will be about 6.5lbs a month)

Weekly Goal...1.25lbs

(until July 1st and then it will be about 1.5lbs a week)

My whole thing with this whole weightloss thing is to be realistic. I know that I am going to have weeks where I just don't feel like working out or where I don't schedule it right...I know that. That is no excuse but I know that it is going to happen and I am ok with that. And I also know there will be weeks where I lose more than 1lb a week. These are just something to strive for! I am calling my game plan the 80/20 rule. if I work out 5 out of the 7 days in a week GREAT! If I eat right 80% of the time and treat myself 20% of the time I am in great shape. When I limit myself and tell myself I CAN'T have that or I HAVE to work out it never works. That is how I ended up weighing 170lbs when I got pregnant. I never stuck with any of my weight loss plans up to that point.

One thing I have learned from others that have lost weight is that it is a lifestyle change, not a temporary change. I will never keep off weight if I give up everything I love and be miserable doing it and then go back to what I really want to eat. I love eating ice cream and cake and pie and Pumpkin spice latte's from Starbucks. Do I need them every day though? I love my bean dip...I love to bake...I am not giving up things I enjoy...who wants to do that. I am just going to be smarter about the choices I am making and not indulge as often. If I mapped out everything I ate this week you might think I failed myself. I had fast food a few nights for dinner, I didn't work out as much as I planned or wanted to. But it was my first week and over all I believe I did great. I made better choices about food most of the time and I was conscious of what and how much I was eating at every meal. What more could I ask for? I am not going to 180 my life right away or I know I will fail. I will LONG for being lazy and eating unhealthy if I do that.

If this plan of mine doesn't work then I will get more extreme...I will be a little harder on myself so that I can accomplish my goal but for now it seems like what is right for me. Who knows maybe I will do great at my plan and lose all the weight sooner than I am planning. Maybe I will plateau in September. You never know what will happen. The bigger picture goal here is not a number...it is to feel good about me again. To WANT to dress up and do my hair and be cute again...to love my body and feel sexy again. That is what I really want. The number 70lbs is just my way of getting there.

So yes...tOdAy Is A gOoD dAy. Tomorrow will be a good day too.

swooning a bit...

2010-01-08T08:31:00.000-08:00

Ok I know I said below that was all for today...and I just had to mention that last night when I was complaining that I hurt from ellipticalling my ass off, my husband said basically that same thing last night. That working out and eating right will get easier and easier if I stick with it. He is so perfect...swoon.

motivated

2010-01-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

tHaT's AlL fOr ToDaY

hungry

2010-01-07T11:01:00.000-08:00

I was hungry literally all day yesterday. I haven't felt like that since being pregnant. I was always hungry when I was pregnant. I was thinking about that today too. If now that I see the effects of eating whatever I wanted (except what I couldn't have) when I was pregnant if I would do things differently. Because when I was stuffing my face with Ben and Jerry's every evening (sometimes midday) I knew what I was doing. But food was so comforting to me when I was pregnant. I was wound so tight, always ready to scream at someone and I couldn't go have a beer or a calming glass of wine so I ate instead. ....Would I do things differently? No. Chocolate and candy and ice cream and waaaaaaay to much milk gave me exactly what I needed when I was a preggo maniac. Which brings me to another point...I was such a bitch when I was pregnant! LOL! I am glad that is over. In my blog yesterday I mentioned not feeling like myself and I must admit I feel so much more like myself now, after feeling like a stranger to myself for my whole pregnancy. I just don't look like myself so it is a slightly incomplete feeling of feeling like myself. Am I making any sense?

Anyways back to being terminally hungry. It is so crazy how as soon as you start monitoring what you are eating your mind plays games with you. I ate three good meals yesterday and even had some sensible snacks. I had fruit in the morning, veggies and fruit and crackers for lunch and then my mom made a delicious taco/bean concoction for dinner. But because I am not allowing myself to just snack and eat and eat all day like I am used to...or forget to eat all day and then binge all night my tummy decides I am going to feel like I am starving or something. This is where that tip I gave 'Keeping Busy' comes in handy. I did not give in to eating when I really shouldn't have been hungry until Billy and I were relaxing on the couch watching TV. I think I have hardwired myself to want food when watching TV. So I need to keep my hands busy with crafts or something because when they are just sitting there while I am watching TV they think they need to be shoving food in my face.

I did bad working out yesterday. I just kept procrastinating. I did not do my Elliptical at all. I let it get too late and then had to go to my moms for dinner and said I would do it when I got home and then...didn't. However Oliver and I did go for a walk.

Speaking of my beautiful boy I do have to say one thing...people always look at me like I am such a horrible person when I talk about how much I hated being pregnant or how horribly traumatizing giving birth was...because most women either loved being pregnant or they just don't talk about it. I love love love Oliver and I would be pregnant ten times if I had to to get him. I would do anything for him. He is the joy of my life and he makes my life so much more real than it used to be. It is amazing getting to be a part of his life. ...I just had to say that. For some prenancy was a walk in the park...for me it was more like a walk through hell in order to get to heaven. =)

So today's goal is to do my elliptical for 30 minutes...no more 20 minute crap...and to take Oliver for a walk OR do my Jillian Michaels dvd. And also to keep busy so I don't eat my way through my refrigerator. hehehe...today is a new day and I am hungry for progress! (so corny sorry!)

No One Can Do It For Me

2010-01-06T09:52:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday I did...ok. At first I was like..man I'm on FIRE!(pronounced fiya)I cleaned the house, organized, got rid of some clutter. I played with my beautiful baby. I did the dishes, I did some laundry (which lol is still in the dryer as we speak)and I ate healthy breakfast and lunch!

Now for the working out portion that makes yesterday...ok...instead of FIYA! I popped in my Jillian Michaels dvd convinced that after slaying that 20 minutes on the elliptical yesterday I could take anything Ms.Jillian dished out. And I am proud to say I got through 12 minutes of the 20 minute madness that is the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. My whole body was in pain. So I gave myself a rest and then later I went up to tackle the elliptical again. I made it 11 minutes. I need more will power. I will never lose this blubber if I don't work it out...and work it out HARD! So today I am just going to focus on the elliptical and then I will do what I can with the shred. It is really hard to do strength training when you have no muscle to speak of!

I did take my measurements and my weight yesterday...here goes...

Weight: 216lbs
Waist: 38 inches
Hips: 36 inches
Bicep: 12 inches
Thigh: 27 inches
Calves: 18 inches

Ugh...I never thought I would reach numbers like that. On Doctor Oz's show the other day he said that no woman's waist should be above 37 inches. It should be about 1/2 your height. I am 5'8 so my waist should be about 34 inches...is that right? Well at least now I know the damage..and I have my beautiful(sarcasm) 'before' pictures as well to keep me on track. I am so ready to be me again. I know that it is not going to happen over night though.

I did do some research yesterday as well. I found a number of great tips on the internet and from friends. So I thought I would share them for all those going through similar journeys as mine. I broke them all down into 10 tips. If you want more tips I recommend www.chrispirillo.com. I got a lot of these tips from his website.

1.Take the dieting out of your 'diet'- get rid of simple sugars when you can, cutting out one 12oz pop a day will all you to lose up to 15lbs a year. get rid of eccess salt, saturated fats, syrups, trans fats, white flour. All this can be accomplished by reading the labels of the food you are eating. Don't go all food Nazi on yourself either or you are bound to relapse. From everything I have read it seems there are no foods that are BAD BAD BAD, you just need to practice the rule of moderation and be conscious of your food choices.

2.Trick yourself- Use a smaller plate Doctor Oz reccomended 9" on his show, this will help you to keep your portions smaller. They say that if you eat 'red spices' for breakfast it will actually make you less hungry later in the day. Brush your teeth after each meal, food never sounds as good with toothpaste breath!

3.Slow Down- Eat more slowly. Sometimes we eat so fast that we end up filling ourselves more than we need to. Eat 1/2 of what is on your plate and then wait 10 minutes and evaluate how much food you really NEED.

4.Keep Busy-I eat out of boredom a lot of the time, I have found when I am busy and I keep the TV off I eat a lot less.

5.Drown Yourself- It is really hard for me to drink even the recommended amount of water every day, however I can speak from experience on this one. I read that sometimes when you think you are hungry, really you are just dehydrated. Drink as much water as you can and you will notice your snack cravings become less.

6.Stay Away From Fast Food- This one is the hardest one ever for me. I am all about convenience food, and I hate cooking so fast food is so much easier. It has been proven time and time again that it just isn't that good for you. I have a plan to designate one night a week to fast food if we want it so it becomes more of a treat than a bad habit.

7.Oh Man the Omega's!- I read on Chris Pirillo's website that Omega 3 and Omega 6 supplements help you to curb your hunger if taken 20 minutes before a meal. (allowing you to eat less, not to starve yourself) I haven't taken these yet, however when I do venture out of the house I plan on picking some up.

8.Go Public- I heard this tip on every talk show doing specials on weightloss, and on every website I went to yesterday. One important detail is to NOT SAY YOU ARE ON A DIET...we all know how those turn out. Don't set yourself up for failure. Simply let people know that you are working on a healthier life. Let them know of your goal and ask for their support. I will admit that sometimes those closest to us are the biggest sabotagers of our success though. I mentioned that I had a healthy lunch and breakfast yesterday and then Billy came home and we had hamburgers w/ pork and beans. I get to be strong with my husband and really let him know about the changes I am attempting to make in my life. Usually when I stand my ground I end up being a good influence on him....

9.Weight Game- the experts say that you should weigh yourself at the same time everytime your do it so that your numbers will be consistant. Also I do not recommend weighing yourself daily, for me it becomes more discouraging because it seems like no progress is being made.

10.Goals- We all have a goal in mind when we decide to eat healthier and become more active. Mine is to lose 70lbs. It is a big goal so I gave myself a year to acheive it. However I am a procrastinator so it is imperative that I make smaller goals along the way or I know that I will be attempting to dump off too many pounds in October. hehehe...Jillian Michaels insists that you should make a weekly, monthly, and 1/2 way mark goal. That way your work outs and healthy lifestyle can stay more consistant.

One thing that really enlightened me though was a quote from Chris Pirillo's website.

"If you don't like the way that YOU are then YOU are going to have to do something about it."

This helped me because my husband is the sweetest ever. He tells me all the time that I am beautiful and he doesn't really understand why my gaining weight has effected me so much. This quote helped me to realize that I am not going to be able to truly feel like myself until I work on me. No one else can do it for me.

cOsMiC BrOwNiEs...

2010-01-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

Here are some simple truths I am realizing...

Simple Truth #1 I know that when I eat healthy (or at lease not everything in my cubbard) I feel great, I have more energy I feel happier on the inside...'yay' would basically describe the emotion.

Simple Truth #2 I know that when I actually get off my butt and do something I feel great, proud of myself, joyful..again 'yay'.

Why then can I not just do this every day all day? What is so difficult about sticking with it? Why does the chocolate brownie in the pantry scream to me the second I think about getting on my elliptical?

Why do I make these plans to go for walks, not turn the TV on, and get something done in my life and then end up watching Tough Love episodes on the computer for two hours when really I just got on the computer to blog how good I did yesterday?

Why did I just eat that brownie? It is only 10am and I am eating brownies! WHAT?

Yesterday I felt that I did really well. I got important things done. I ate great until my husband came home with Taco Bell...I watched the Doctor Oz show (and took notes mind you) about losing weight. AND! I did 20 minutes on the elliptical! 20 full minutes. I know it isn't much but I think you are not realizing just how out of shape I really am. I hurt after 3 minutes. I am huffing and puffing after 3 minutes, my brain starts manipulating me after 3 minutes. Basically odds are against me after 3 minutes. However yesterday I had the brilliant idea to take pictures of myself in my underwear (a scary sight let me tell you) and then I printed them and I pasted them to my elliptical machine. So when I got tired after 3 minutes and then 5 minutes and then 10 minutes and then 18 minutes...I just looked at me in all my glory and magically I kept going. Now I just have to hope my husband doesn't spend too much time looking at those pictures or I will just die. I will never have sex again I think.

Today I plan on taking my measurements (thighs, waist, hips, arms) that way I can keep track of my progress. Hopefully working out will become more exciting when I have actually made some progress instead of being a hopeless blob that likes to watch shows like Wife Swap and Tough Love while eating toxic cosmic brownies.

I AM OFF TO GET SOMETHING DONE! YES!

woohoo for weight loss...

2010-01-03T22:36:00.000-08:00

I have set a lot of goals in my life...rarely do I ever keep them. This year I made my new years resolutions...

1.Lose 70lbs by December 31st, 2010
2.Do more outdoorsy stuff

#1 is part of why I created this blog in the first place. I need all the help I can get keeping on track. I am hoping it will keep me accountable.

The truth is that I don't even know where to start. I have no idea how to truly begin eating healthy and stay on a budget...I have no idea how to create a sensible work out routine. I did get an eliptical for my birthday so that is where I am starting. I plan on doing 20 minutes a day. And I am on Maternity Leave for another 2 weeks so I plan on going for a long walk every day with Oliver in the stroller.

Oliver my son is 8 weeks old. It is funny because immediately after I had him I kept thinking I do not want to be one of those moms that people look at and think to themselves...oh I feel sorry for her she still has all the baby weight left to lose. And....I am. For a little while I didn't think that I was. He was about 5 weeks and I started getting slightly more active and I thought 'YES! I can do this!' Now my child is 2 months old and I have actually gained weight since my 6 week appointment. I am still wearing maternity pants for god's sake. I hate it. I have all this gross loose skin and a muffin top! You know those women that insist on wearing tight shirts and their old pants they barely fit in so that they have a roll hanging over the pants? ooo and you can see the button on the pants is ready to burst. It almost as if you can hear that button screaming... I have that! My buttons scream. It is gross. I don't even fit into shirts that I used to be able to wear because my arms have grown. My arms have grown...they are bigger around. I can't even explain how it happened I never noticed it until I tried on one of my old shirts.

I really only gained about 60lbs the whole pregnancy. Currently I weigh 215lbs. When I got pregnant I weighed 170lbs. The heaviest I have ever been. The last time I remember looking down and thinking...'Man I love my body' I was in swimming in highschool and I weighed about 130lbs possibley a little less. I have decided I would be happy with about 145lbs. Hell I would be happy if I could just wear some of the clothes I packed away before I even got pregnant never to be worn again.

Ok. That is enough complaining for tonight. Tomorrow is a brand new day. A day where I will complete a solid 20 minutes on my eliptical. I WILL also take Oliver for a walk. If the solid 20 minutes on the eliptical doesn't kill me that is.